Published in The Broomfield Enterprise, 12/16/07

We’ve all paid our dues–at some point–for the sake of our kids, muscling through the parental prerequisite ninety minutes of yet another disengaging children’s movie. Think “Lilo and Stitch” or “Curly Sue”…

On the other hand, we‘ve also experienced the moment, sitting in those same theater seats, when we realized we were watching a surprisingly great work of art–“The Lion King”, “Toy Story” and “Babe”—that makes it all worth while.

In “Finding Nemo”, the voices of our favorite actors brought to life a new underwater world, making us laugh and cry as our children’s eyes widened at the wonder of the big screen. As Nemo’s dad, Marlin, rode the EAC (East Australian Current) with Crush, the surfer Turtle, in search of his lost son, we could easily relate:

Crush: Okay. Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique.

Squirt: Good afternoon. We’re gonna have a great jump today. Okay, first crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall. There’s a screaming bottom curve, so watch out. Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it.

Marlin: It’s like he’s trying to speak to me, I know it.

Marlin [to Squirt]: Look, you’re really cute, but I can’t understand what you’re saying. Say the first thing again.

One of the characteristics of a magnificent work of art is the non-verbal reference to the human condition. Who would have ever thought that surfing turtles and animated fish would give us such an exquisite lesson about riding the current of our own lives?

According ancient Taoist beliefs, there is, in fact, a current for each of us. This current is one we can choose to struggle against, trying to gain control, turning variables into fixtures…or one we can choose to succumb to, allowing ourselves to relax and let go, accepting that there is a universal energy meant to carry us along as our lives shape and form into the way they are meant to be.

English writer Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) was considered a high ranking intellectual and leader of modern thought. He discussed the very idea of swimming against the current long before Nemo pixilated into our lives. He explained, “There is a Law of Reversed Effort. The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and the results of proficiency come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity, of letting go as a person in order that the immanent and transcendent Unknown Quantity may take hold. We cannot make ourselves understand; the most we can do is to foster a state of mind, in which understanding may come to us.”

We all have phases during which we’re at the mercy of the surge and swell of life, when we do not progress forward despite expending great amounts of energy to move our heavy legs through the strong, murky water…when the sound of our voice bubbles from our mouths like it did when we were ten, having a tea party through the caustic lighting of the water at the bottom of the pool.

But the sooner we realize the times when our exhausting struggle is not simply a wave—when we are actually moving against the natural flow of our life–the sooner we will discover the free flowing current—our very own EAC—right in front of us. And we will see how easy, upon surrendering, it is to submerge and be propelled forward in the direction of our own personal destinies.

And, like Marlin in Nemo, we will finally find what we have been looking for all along.

Published in The Broomfield Enterprise, 12/2/07

It is becoming more and more difficult to escape. Phones follow us wherever we go, e-mails ping and blackberries call to us with abbreviations as various TV’s bark for us to “call now!”. Our garages are filled with more cars that take us to more places in less time than we somehow used to have.

Simply taking a deep breath can, at times, seem impossible. Even less of a possibility, is finding the time to think about what we need before being thrust into the next item on our list as we move full throttle through our lives…only to realize we’re getting no where at all.

In 1943 Abraham Maslow theorized on the needs of the human race, illustrating this with a hierarchical pyramid. He explained that our basic needs must be met in order to allow us to seek satisfaction at a higher level. The extent to which our needs our met, he said, shapes our behavior and affects our personal lives and the lives of those around us. Maslow stated that we instinctively seek out a higher purpose in life, and are not able to reach our full potential until more basic needs have been satisfied.

The widest part of Maslow’s diagram–the bottom of the pyramid– houses our most basic needs of survival–breathing, food, water, shelter. Once these needs have been met, we are able to strive for the next level, “safety”–feeling safe from harm, having security of employment and resources, the safety and health of our family.

Once this level has been fulfilled, we can move into our need for friendship, a loving family and intimacy. When these have been secured, we can then strive for well being– feeling confidence within ourselves, garnishing a feeling of achievement, possessing a higher self esteem, and having an overall respect for others.

The highest level of fulfillment as a human–the very tip of the pyramid–is where we look to satisfy our needs of problem solving, embarking on creative and moral endeavors, and existing without judgment.

Maslow’s study explained that we all begin at the bottom of the pyramid and we move up into the higher levels of the pyramid only when the needs of the current level have been met. One cannot skip over levels, and we can be tossed back into a lower level at any moment. A life threatening situation, for example, can abruptly thrust us back to intensely focusing on our very basic needs of survival, without concern for things like self esteem and our desire for intimacy.

Raising children presents an effortless opportunity for us to put the needs of others before our own. From carpooling, shuffling our kids to lessons, sports, and clubs, and the endless list of other activities in which we invest our time and money, our desires as parents—as people–humans–can easily get lost in the mix. What parent has sufficient time to relax, read a book or even go to the doctor about that annoying cough when each hour of the day is already spoken for?

We often want what we want when we want it. And most of the time, we get just that, regardless of whether it’s appropriate for us. If we are trying to solve even a minor problem, however–like a scheduling mix up or an answer for a manager–while we are hungry or exhausted, those needs must first be met before we can expect to be successful at the other things we’re trying to accomplish. If we allow ourselves to get burned out, becoming annoyed with our children and family and overwhelmed of all that is being asked of us, it becomes imperative to take some time–to give ourselves a break–to step back down in the pyramid and fulfill our needs there so we can move back up successfully into the next stage of the pyramid.

It can be difficult to reconcile with the thought of taking a step back in order to move forward, especially in this fast paced world of ours. But taking care of ourselves, and ensuring that our own needs are met will allow us to take better care of our children and families. Allowing ourselves—no—insisting for ourselves—a higher standard for our physical health and mental well-being will give us more enthusiasm and spirit to care for the physical and mental well being of our families.

Watching a parent take care of themselves and reach their full potential as a human is an extraordinary gift that our children will carry into their adulthood, and a behavior they will emulate when they are responsible for their own families.

So, as the old song goes, let’s “teach our children well” by first making the effort with ourselves.

Published in the International Black Belt Academy newsletter, 12/1

Albert Einstein (1879-1955), one of the most celebrated minds in history said, “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

The effort you put into karate–coming to class each week, giving it your all during sparring exercises and working toward your black belt, must be recognized. You must give yourself credit for your continuing efforts. You are doing what many people do not, or cannot do: striving to achieve your goals. Your strong work ethic will result in an improved version of yourself and the world around you. Read more…

Published in The Broomfield Enterprise, 12/9/07

As adults, we place a premium on where we are seated. The front of an airplane, an intimate corner of a restaurant or courtside at the game, prime seats hold an advantage most secretly covet, or at least appreciate.

For children with siblings, that coveted placement is, simply, where their brother or sister happens to be. If one child is perfectly happy relaxing on a floor pillow, then that very pillow on that very spot of carpet becomes like a red-velvet-roped square in which Oprah’s “Favorite Things” episode is being filmed. Read more…